Picking the Ideal Boyfriend: A Comparison of Mate Selection Qualities between High School and College Women

From an early age, many young girls in America are presented in films and television with the image that one day a tall, handsome, young prince astride a noble white steed will sweep them off their feet into a fairy tale happy ending. In each of these imaginary stories, all the problems that are so prevalent in real-life relationships, like differences in class or race, were solved with a flick of a magic stick. Cinderella married a Prince, even though she was just a maid in a rich household. The Little Mermaid managed to marry a human Prince, despite the fact that she has a tail instead of legs. If such barriers to relationships in real life were this easy to resolve, many families would be much happier. Unfortunately, we have no magic wands to wish away the circumstances that influence how we live our lives. Many young women begin to realize this as they grow and experience the world. Mate Selection is typically not as simple or glamorous as it appears in the movies. If they want that happy ending, young women must be careful in the traits they choose for their potential mate. Statistics state that in the U.S. one out of five marriages end in divorce within the first five years of marriage, and one out of three marriages end after ten years (Bramlett & Mosher, 2001, p.1).

With so many marriages ending in divorce, it leads me to question how women determine the qualities they want in a potential mate. Are high school girls less discriminating in their mate selection qualities compared to college girls? Do college girls have a more specific view of the good qualities in a potential mate? I hypothesize that high school girls are more idealistic in their mate selection whereas college girls are more specific.

Background
Darwin’s theory of evolution states that the primary goal of most living organisms is to reproduce as to ensure the survival of their genes. Organisms over time naturally select the traits that will best help them survive in their environment. Kenrick asserts that mate selection from an evolutionary point of view means to examine the psychological processes that influence how humans choose their potential mates in ways that promotes reproductive success and guarantees the survival of their offspring (as cited in Surra, Gray, Cottle, & Boethcher, 2004, p.62). Much research has been done comparing the mate selection qualities of both men and women; however, we will focus on findings concerning women. Ben Hamida, Mineka, & Bailey found that women have a tendency to value economic status, college or better education, and larger waist-to-hip ratios in men (as cited in Surra et al., 2004, p.63). Many women are looking for a man who has access to a considerable amount of resources and will commit to a stable long-term relationship. The evolutionary perspective supports these qualities as the most useful in reproduction and taking care of the offspring. The economic resources support the family until the children are old enough to sustain themselves and the waist-to-hip ratio is a physical feature that signals strength and attractiveness (Surra et al., 2004, p.63).

As logical as the evolutionary perspective sounds, it does not fully explain all the influences in mate selection. The CL or Comparison Level theory includes more environmental factors, such as unique values and expectations of the selected partner that have been influenced by family experiences and religious affiliations (Anderson & Sabatelli, 2007, p.123). It focuses on the socialization experiences people have gone through to explain why we search for specific qualities in potential mates. According to this theory, people are more likely to be attracted to mates that exhibit qualities with which we are familiar with compared to our family, society, culture, religion, and society (Anderson & Sabatelli, 2007, p.123).

Since my study is comparing college and high school women, a developmental perspective may also explain some of the differences or similarities in mate selection. Erikson’s theory (1950) breaks human psychosocial development into eight difference stages. For the purpose of my study, I focused on the two developmental stages of adolescence and early adulthood. During each of these stages, Erikson predicts that people will encounter social crises that need to be resolved. In the adolescent stage, young women face the Identity versus Confusion crisis, where they attempt to establish their own unique identity in society. In the early adulthood phase, young women deal with the Intimacy versus Isolation phase, where they either learn to form close relationships with others or choose to be isolated (Nolen-Hoeksema, p.61-62).

Returning to my hypothesis with this perspective in mind, I predict that the reasoning behind the idealistic nature of the high school girls’ preference in mate qualities is because these young women are still in the identity development stage. They are beginning to integrate their own views of themselves, which makes it more difficult to decide on a specific quality in their potential mates. College women, on the other hand, have spent more time on this period of identity development, which allows them to focus more on specific qualities in their potential mate that will complement their own identities.

Methodology
To gather information on the mate selection, an Internet survey was distributed to high school and college students, through Facebook and e-mail. At the beginning of the survey were basic demographic questions such as age, race, education, background, et cetera. The survey comprised a list of mate selection qualities consisting of physically descriptive words, personality characteristics, and specific personal values. Following the list of qualities, the survey included follow-up short answer questions that allowed the participant to elaborate on the reasoning behind their choices. These questions asked about previous relationships and other factors that might influence the participant’s mate selection. Overall, the survey was kept short to encourage the participants to complete as many of the questions as possible.

The population was limited to friends, classmates, and the high school friends of my younger brother, so some inherent biases accompany the information gathered. The sizes of the populations were moderately small, with twelve participants in the College group and fifteen participants in the High School group. The targeted age range was fourteen to twenty-four years old.

Results
The basic demographic information contained the inherent biases I expected to accompany my results. The majority of the participants were Asian, which was anticipated since the high school my brother attends is close to 80% Asian and my own peer group is mostly of Asian descent. However, there were eight participants total in the categories of White, African American, and Hispanic or Latino origin, which added some diversity to the results. Surprisingly, my results demonstrated a wide range of ages from fifteen to twenty-four years old. As a safety precaution the study included a Sex question to separate out any unfortunate male participation in the results. Two male responses were noted but removed, as they were not the target population. In the boyfriend section of the survey, fifteen women had boyfriends or ex-boyfriends, and twelve had none. Of those fifteen, nine considered their boyfriends “marriage material” and six did not.

Following my demographic information was the selection of the top five qualities the participants chose for their potential mates. The most popular qualities were Respectful, Honest, Loyal, Sense of Humor, Intelligence and Family-Oriented. The least popular qualities were Cute, Suave, Stylish, Wealthy, and Athletic, which had no votes. Moderately popular qualities were Religious, Committed, and Affectionate, with less popular qualities of Romantic, Employed, and College Graduate. One participant wrote that “Intelligence is (also) a mitigating factor when looking at the career potential of the person and their capabilities with their job, relationships with others, etc.” For some girls, certain qualities such as Intelligence were considered as indicative of other qualities.

After the quality list, the subject was asked to explain why they choose each quality, which elicited some interesting answers. Generally, most young women chose Respectful because they wanted their partner to see them as one person responded, “equal regardless of my gender, SES, age, or upbringing.” Honesty was just as highly valued as Respectful. Many of the young women cited Honesty as being “key and important in building the vital trust in a relationship.” In relation to Honesty, Loyalty was also seen as another sign of trust, support, and interest in both the relationship and each other. Surprisingly, a Sense of Humor was a very popular choice, since many girls felt it would facilitate communication in the relationship and also entertain each other by “breaking up the seriousness of life.” These four qualities, in particular, both college and high school women agreed were the most desired qualities in a potential mate.

College and High school participants also agreed on Committed as an important quality to a lesser extent, since it showed that their partner was willing to invest in a long-term relationship. However, high school girls preferred that their partner posses the Intelligence quality more than the college women. They thought that Intelligence was important for contributing to multiple aspects of the relationship, such as decision-making, career, communication, and for amusement. Other qualities such as Religion and Family-Oriented showed no particular trend in popularity. A few wayward answers for different less popular qualities were are noted.

Glancing at the effect of boyfriends on the mate selection, most girls stated that having a boyfriend helped them consolidate and identify the qualities they did or did not want in their potential mates. Many who answered with this response were college-aged and seemed to have had ex-boyfriends that contributed to their selection of qualities. High school girls, on the other hand, provided some interesting answers such as, “Before I never had a 'type', but after I have been with my boyfriend for a while, all of his qualities and attributes are what I now consider my 'type’,” and “He's perfect, everything I want in a mate.”. I suspect these girls are currently in relationships. On the other side of the question, most of the girls who were not in a relationship cited their uncompromising high expectations of their mate selection qualities as the main barrier to finding boyfriends.

To conclude the last part of the survey was a general open-ended question that allowed the participants to elaborate further on any other influences on the mate selection qualities. The most common answer across the board was family or parents. Other answers included religion, school, observations of other relationships, and friends.

Discussion
My results have yielded some fascinating points for discussion, with respect to the previous theories about mate selection. Honesty, Loyalty, and to a lesser extent, Committed, are all qualities with evolutionarily adaptive explanations that were supported by the responses given by the participants. As one girl frankly put it, “loyal because a [relationship] can only work when he's not thinking of another girl.” These three qualities are related to trust and support, which assures women that their partners will be there for them and their families and in doing so, they promote the survivability of their genes. However, in contrast to these evolutionarily favorable qualities, very few girls chose the resource-related qualities such as Employed, Wealthy, or Ambitious. In place of this, high school girls preferred Intelligence as the general indicator for career success. Within the college group, girls chose Ambition as the resource quality.


Respect and Family-Oriented qualities implicated the CL theory as the main explanation for their choice. Overall, both groups of women wanted their potential mates to respect them as individuals. Particularly in the U.S., the terms “equality” and “respect” are well-socialized values that hold special meaning for women with respect to their constant struggle to be recognized as equal to men. One young high school girl summarized, “they have to respect me in order for me to respect them.” Clearly, such a strong societal influence has made its impact on the young women involved in the study.

To a lesser extent, Family-Oriented was a popular choice, but I expected the value to be even more popular after reading the responses to the last open-ended question. Almost every participant attributed a part of the influence on their mate selection qualities to the influence of their families. The answers to the last question indicated that the women do in fact value their families’ opinions, yet only half of the girls specified Family as an important quality. This lack of family value may have been deemphasized in lieu of other more important qualities. In the sample, about six high school participants chose the Family-oriented quality, compared to five of the college women. This result indicates that neither high school nor college women are more general or specific in their mate quality choices.

My hypothesis that the difference in developmental stages would lead to dissimilarity in mate selection between college and high school women was disproved. For the most part, both groups had a tendency to agree on the best qualities a potential mate should have. Such a result has led me to suspect that some young women in the United States are experiencing both of these stages at the same time. Our advances in technology allow people to constantly stay in contact with friends, family, and people they meet over the Internet. In addition to this increased opportunity to form close relationships, some families have dual-income earning parents, which encourages young adolescents to fill their social needs outside of the family. Compared to the College group, the High School women in my study are showing some early signs of maturity in their mate selection qualities, despite their struggle with their own identities. Erikson suggested that people do not always fully resolve all the crises they encounter at each of these stages, which the results of the study have supported in terms of identity and relationship choices.

The applicability of the results of this study is limited by a number of biases within the methodology. Conclusions drawn within the discussion should be considered carefully and specific only to this population. Some limitations included non-response bias, population selection bias, and bias in the wording of the questions. However, this study may serve as a starting point to direct research on this topic for a more in-depth analysis of mate selection criteria by young women.





References
Anderson, S. A., & Sabatelli R. M. (2007). Family interaction: A multigenerational developmental perspective (4th ed.). Boston: Pearson Education Inc.
Bramlett M. D. & Mosher W. D. (2001) First marriage dissolution, divorce and remarriage: United States. Advance data from vital and health statistics, Issue 323, 1-20. Retrieved from Centers of Disease Control and Prevention.
Erikson, E. H. (1950). Childhood and Society. New York: Norton.
Nolen-Hoeksema, S. Abnormal Psychology (4th ed.). Boston: McGraw-Hill Companies Inc.
Surra C.A, Gray C. R., Cottle N., Boettcher T. M. J. (2004) Research on mate selection and premarital relationships: What do we really know? In A. L. Vangelisti (Ed.) Handbook of Family Communication (pp.53-82). New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates